When you are in tune with the energy of fear, you know the paralyzation of your body and your emotions. It’s seemingly easy for your mind to take over and shift every thought towards the negative - for fear breeds fear like a virus running rampant in the body.
Once you’ve lived through fear and fully released the energy from your body, it's easier to understand that underneath these dark life experiences there is massive growth.
With each spiritual experience comes a new awakening to who you are in this world and your infinite power.
You’d think we’d only have to live through fear once to fully grasp the value of these lessons.
However the nuisance of life is that the deeper you go in your understanding of fear and releasing energy, the deeper the practice becomes. Thus, experiences continue to come into our life.
This week, I was guided to practice the art of moving through fear into trust in a way I’d never have expected.
I experienced the literal version of walking in fear, scared of the simple act of walking. In a way, scared that my life could change dramatically in the blink of an eye.
I was walking along the side of the road, headed to the trailhead of a hiking path ironically named, Shades of Death, talking to my son about focus while walking on the road when suddenly it was as if my mind and my body stopped communicating and I fell. No warning, just down. It felt as if I left my body momentarily. The pain was present in my hand and my knee, but stronger than that was this fear of what just happened? That was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. On the side of a busy highway - one shade of death eerily present.
Like a good mom (whatever that is and could we really just strike that phrase from our vocabulary), I stood up, truly physically ok, and on our little family went.
Ten minutes later, it happened again. This time I cried out looking upward, “what is happening?” The fear had officially set in.
For the rest of the walk, my anxiety was heightened and it seemed the only way to get through my fear was to transfer to the kids. I kept praying they wouldn’t fall as they happily climbed all throughout he rocks leading the top of the waterfall. Funny how easy it is to transfer our fear onto others, isn’t it?!
Once home I did what any normal human being does and I went to the internet. Another shade of death - for nothing good comes from googling symptoms and fitting them to match the most dreadful disease or syndromes. I woke the next morning even more fearful. The energy of this emotion felt like I put on a heavy suit of armor.
Yet life has a way of handing you gifts in the midst of distress.
I knew if I didn’t consciously take control, I’d have no control. For when we live in a state of fear, it’s not possible to manifest our dreams and desires.
So I put on my sneakers and for miles I walked with the mantra, “my body is strong and I am well.” I’ve learned fear won’t actually change the outcome and my role is the keep my mind in the game - to run toward fear head on, heart out, fully open to the truth of what may be; loving what is for there’s no way to live in a state of fear and still be in a vibration of love.
Later that morning my husband asked how I was feeling and I told him my deepest fears, really rather the deepest fears of Mr. Google and I cried while I let it go. It was only then I could hear that inner guidance, what I like to call my inner goddess, come through and let me know all would be well. Now it was my turn to trust that guidance.
Neurological testing proved nothing was amiss, a chiropractic adjustment helped release everything that was jammed inside too deep for my conscious to release, and my spiritual mentor (who has a new program starting in September) told me this - sometimes that shade of death comes into our lives because we are beginning to activate new ways of being. To remember this occurred in the hours surrounding the solar eclipse and the magic in the energy of these events. Abhorrent to my ego’s desires she reminded me, it’s ok and well to ask higher sources of power to turn down the energy coming into your being - for right now this is a time of deep growth - both physically as I grow a human being within and spiritually. A reminder that it’s only the ego who wants to manifest everything right now and trusting the timing of everything unfolds just as it should.
Pulling in the energy of trust where fear just sat. That is a lesson we are all called to practice, in life, in parenting, and as soul beings on this magical journey.
Loving you fiercely ~ s.